Forgiveness

Forgiveness is key to healing your heart. If you hold bitterness and judgment against your ex-wife, ex-in-laws, or anyone else, your heart will remain in pain and you will not be able to move into a place of hope and fulfillment.

In Mat 18:23-35 Jesus describes a servant who was forgiven more money than he could ever pay back, but then proceeds to demand payment from another servant who owes him just a few dollars. That unforgiving servant, who did not understand the grace that he had been given, was thrown into prison and tormented. That is what happens to our hearts when we do not forgive others. We remain in torment and bitterness. We are keeping ourselves in this prison of pain because we refuse to extend the forgiveness that we have been given.

Men - you must forgive. As you are going through memories and the process of healing those, as outlined in the last video on rejection, make sure that true forgiveness is being given from your heart. Allow the Holy Spirit in to give you His perspective on how He sees her. Ask Him to give you an understanding of how much you have been forgiven.

Each memory that you process will require you to forgive someone. Whether it is forgiving yourself for things you did wrong (like we went over in Step 1) or whether its forgiving your ex-wife, forgiveness is critical. It will unlock your heart and help bring you into a place of humility where God is able to move and heal.

Action Steps

1. Spend time thinking through who you need to forgive. Be willing to be honest with where your heart is at and whether you are still holding something against them. This could be your ex-wife, kids, in-laws, your parents, or friends. When you have thought through it, do the following:

a. Write down the person's name and why you need to forgive them. Be specific. It's important that it is not generalized. Being specific brings healing to that event(s) and truly gives you freedom.

b. Just like you are doing with the memories you are processing, ask God for how He sees that person. What is His heart for them. This will bring compassion, and compassion will allow the forgiveness to go from the head to the heart.

2. Say this prayer or something like it as you go through this process of forgiving those who have hurt you:

"Father, thank you for your grace. Thank you for the love and forgiveness that you have shown me even when I didn't deserve it. I have done things far worse to you, and yet you still love me and accept me as your son. Give me your heart for these people. Give me your heart to see them through your eyes even though they have hurt me and don't deserve forgiveness anymore than I do. Thank you for being with me on this journey and for giving me your heart. Help me to look like you, Dad. Amen."